The Dinner Party

It was a cold night, street lamps sent beams of yellow through the billows of fog that floated around the street. A silver car pulled up outside a suburban house and a couple got out, the man carrying a bottle of wine.

“Well, darling, here we are.” Jack said, succumbing to Jenny’s fumbling as she attempted to straighten his tie and brush off imagined dandruff flakes from his jacket.

“Yes, I wonder what she’ll be like.”

“We’ll find out soon enough. Ring the bell, will you darling?”

Jenny rang the bell. After a few moments, the door opened. Framed in the light from the hall was a tall, slender woman with the physique of an athlete. Straw blonde hair cascaded onto her shoulders. Her deep blue dress was elegant to the point of perfection. Jack’s heart rate went from calm to overdrive in seconds as he took in her beauty, causing him to gasp sharply.

“Jack. Behave yourself.”

The woman extended a thin, carefully manicured hand, shaking theirs in turn. “You must be Jenny and Jack. I am Angelique. Robert has told me so much about you.”

“Well, he’s told us nothing about you.” Jenny said under her breath.

Angelique escorted them into a luxuriously furnished lounge. Jack remembered the wine, which Angelique accepted graciously.

“Please. Sit. Robert will be down soon. I have prepared a special meal for you. In the meantime, please help yourself to some Chateau Rothschild.” With a smile, Angelique disappeared into the kitchen.

There was a series of thumps as Robert ran down the stairs and into the lounge. “Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you, just finishing up on some work.”

“So, that’s your new wife. No wonder you’ve been keeping her under wraps. You sly old dog.”

“Jack!”

“Well, I was expecting some boiler, but she looks like a model.”

“As a matter of fact, she was for a while. You might have seen her in the last Jack Bland movie.”

“My word, yes. She was the spaghetti woman.”

“What spaghetti woman, Jack? What do you mean?”

“Not now, darling. Didn’t she bring out a CD or something?”

“Three. They shot into the top ten as soon as they were released. They were all her own work. She sang, played all the instruments, and produced them.”

“Amazing.”

Jenny looked around the room. “Well, Robert, you have been busy. Pardon me saying, but this place looked a bit shabby last time we were here. It’s a palace now. She is certainly a good influence on you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t take the credit for that. It’s all Angelique’s doing.”

“She chose the decorations?”

“She did the decorations. Angelique painted the frieze by hand, and the wallpaper is her exclusive design. She had it specially made.”

“It must have cost a fortune.”

“No, it cost less than £200. That wouldn’t matter to her though.”

“She’s rich as well?”

“Yes. She made seventy million on the stock market.”

“Do you think she could invest some money for me as well?”

“No. She got bored with it after a month.”

“So, where did you meet?”

“You’ll never believe it. I met her at the Accident and Emergency ward in a hospital in Geneva.”

“Really, what was she in for?”

“She wasn’t in for anything. She was one of the surgeons. I had broken my leg skiing. Well, it was love at first sight, I can tell you. But we had to wait until after I was out of hospital.”

“Then you both flew over here?”

“Yes. We had a free flight on account of the time when she was an air stewardess.”

Angelique brought out a tray of steaming bowls. “Here you are. I hope you enjoy this.”

“Mmm. It tastes delicious. What is it?”

“It is Pheasant Soup with Chestnuts and Truffles. To follow I have prepared Stuffed Rigatoni, Scampi Tancredi and Medallions of Veal. Dessert will be Earl Grey Sorbet.”

“Wow! Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“My father was Chef de Cuisine at the Ratz, Geneva.”

“I’m sorry, Angelique, I have to ask.”

“Yes Jenny?”

“Where did you get that dress? It is divine.”

“You like it? I made it myself. I make all my clothes.”

“Robert, I presume you’ve got rid of that wreck of a Cortina, have you?”

“It’s in the garage, Jack. I can take you out for a run in it if you want.”

“You’ve got it working? It’s been stuck in there for years.”

“Well, actually...”

“Don’t tell me, Angelique fixed it.”

“But it was quite simple. I have two older brothers who are brilliant with cars. A girl can learn a lot from such brothers, no?”

“We keeping you up, Jack?”

“Was I yawning? I’m really sorry. I was up last night watching one of those reality cop shows. They were trying to break a drug ring. You should have seen the car chase! There were twelve police cars, but they could not catch them. Then this Interpol car weaves through all of them, overtakes the drug car, and forces it off the road up an embankment. The gang tries to run away but this woman ran after them from the Interpol car. She launched herself at the gang and took them out with some kind of martial arts. It’s a shame, but all you could see of her face was a blurry disc.”

“Well, how would it be if everyone knew what we looked like? And those English police have still not fixed my wing. I could have done it myself by now.”

“That was you?”

“That was me.”

“You are an Interpol agent?”

“A girl must do something worthwhile with her time, no?”

“So, Angelique, you have been a model, an actress, a singer, an air stewardess, an amazing chef, an incredible interior decorator, a successful stock market player, a surgeon, a fashion designer, a car mechanic and an Interpol agent? How is it you can do all these things.”

“Why, it is because of my parents. I come from a military family.”

“You mean?”

“Yes. I am a Swiss Army Wife.”