Greetings, felicitations, and fluffy dice.

GREETINGS, FELICITATIONS AND FLUFFY DICE

Now, you probably don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jack Rowlands, although people tend to call me Mad Jack. I can’t think why.

Anyway, for my day job, I am an Alley Cat. What’s an Alley Cat, I hear you ask? In a very strange voice, I might add. Well, the Alley Cats are the Bomb Disposal team of National Security Command. So, if you’ve got something that you think is going to blow up, just give me a ring.

It’s a real man’s life in the Alley Cats. We do real man things, like weight training, marathon running, knitting, and highland dancing. And don’t believe everything you hear. One ballet lesson, ONE. Do they let you forget? Do they drumsticks! So, by way of relaxation, I entertain the team with a few of my hilarious stories. Well, I think they’re funny.

In among my own totally awesome original stories are ones based on tales I have heard. Some of them could be described as traditional. My grandfather would have heard them. Others are more modern. Now, I have tried to establish the copyright of these stories, but I have not been able to trace the authors. If you feel I have breached your copyright, first know that it was not deliberate, and accept my apology. Secondly, please let me know, and I will be happy to amend future issues. Now, is that or is that not fair?

Tuesday 21 February 2012

The Perfect Marriage

I’ve been wed for 30 years,
Happy now as we were back then
The secret I will share with you
And you will be wiser men

Find a woman that sears your mind
Who turns your blood to fire
Who melts your legs into jelly
And fills your heart with desire

A woman whose face and form
Haunt your every thought
First thing in the morning
And very last thing at night

Buy her clothes and jewellery
Take her to the finest places
Dine with her and dance with her
Compliment her graces.

A long stemmed rose for valentine
And twelve on her birthday
And bouquets for no reason at all.

Give her all your energy,
Your passion and devotion
Give her your heart, your strength
Your love and adoration.

Make this woman’s happiness
The goal of your very life
But, above all, mark me well,
Just don’t tell the wife.
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2 comments:

  1. archensword21 February 2012 at 11:04

    This doesn't sound too christian to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Waycyber21 February 2012 at 12:23

    It's a joke! Come on, now. Have you no sense of humour?

    ReplyDelete

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