Greetings, felicitations, and fluffy dice.

GREETINGS, FELICITATIONS AND FLUFFY DICE

Now, you probably don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jack Rowlands, although people tend to call me Mad Jack. I can’t think why.

Anyway, for my day job, I am an Alley Cat. What’s an Alley Cat, I hear you ask? In a very strange voice, I might add. Well, the Alley Cats are the Bomb Disposal team of National Security Command. So, if you’ve got something that you think is going to blow up, just give me a ring.

It’s a real man’s life in the Alley Cats. We do real man things, like weight training, marathon running, knitting, and highland dancing. And don’t believe everything you hear. One ballet lesson, ONE. Do they let you forget? Do they drumsticks! So, by way of relaxation, I entertain the team with a few of my hilarious stories. Well, I think they’re funny.

In among my own totally awesome original stories are ones based on tales I have heard. Some of them could be described as traditional. My grandfather would have heard them. Others are more modern. Now, I have tried to establish the copyright of these stories, but I have not been able to trace the authors. If you feel I have breached your copyright, first know that it was not deliberate, and accept my apology. Secondly, please let me know, and I will be happy to amend future issues. Now, is that or is that not fair?

Sunday 19 February 2012

My Dog Rex

I have a dog called Rex
A lovely dog is he
I'd really like to show you, but
He's invisible, you see.

He's part Alsatian
A guard dog, first class
If any intruder comes
He'll bite them, on the leg.

I have tried to teach him
Many old dog tricks
He'll stay, and walk, and heel,
But he just won't pick up sticks.

He's part Terrier
He chases squirrel and hare
But they just don't seem bothered
You'd think he wasn't there

He's very economical
I don't feed him a lot
Just a bowl of invisible food
And some water in a pot

He's part French Poodle
An affectionate sort of chap
When I'm watching telly,
He'll sit there on my lap.

I've had Rex for years
He followed me home one day
And as he's such a friendly thing
I thought I'd let him stay.

He's part Greyhound
The fastest dog in town
All of a sudden, woosh, he's gone
And then he's back again.

Rex ran off the other day
While I was having tea
So, if you should find an invisible dog
Just send him home to me.
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