Greetings, felicitations, and fluffy dice.

GREETINGS, FELICITATIONS AND FLUFFY DICE

Now, you probably don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jack Rowlands, although people tend to call me Mad Jack. I can’t think why.

Anyway, for my day job, I am an Alley Cat. What’s an Alley Cat, I hear you ask? In a very strange voice, I might add. Well, the Alley Cats are the Bomb Disposal team of National Security Command. So, if you’ve got something that you think is going to blow up, just give me a ring.

It’s a real man’s life in the Alley Cats. We do real man things, like weight training, marathon running, knitting, and highland dancing. And don’t believe everything you hear. One ballet lesson, ONE. Do they let you forget? Do they drumsticks! So, by way of relaxation, I entertain the team with a few of my hilarious stories. Well, I think they’re funny.

In among my own totally awesome original stories are ones based on tales I have heard. Some of them could be described as traditional. My grandfather would have heard them. Others are more modern. Now, I have tried to establish the copyright of these stories, but I have not been able to trace the authors. If you feel I have breached your copyright, first know that it was not deliberate, and accept my apology. Secondly, please let me know, and I will be happy to amend future issues. Now, is that or is that not fair?

Friday 5 September 2014

Monkey Island

We had seen the adverts, so we thought we would give it a go. A weekend on Monkey Island. I don’t know what we expected, but we had to admit it was an  unusual place. The area where we stayed had been especially built for tourists, so we did not get a flavour of the island in its natural form.

In the centre of town were a number of night colobos.  We went to the Duoc Titi, where the speciality act, a woman called guenon, appearied in native costume with a yellow gibbon tied in her hair. She performed traditional dances while playing a green tamarin.

We were hungry after that. Fortunately, the restaurants and cafes are open 24 hours. We went into one that specialised in fish. They gave us a plate of Kipunji cooked under their gorilla, together with a bowl of chimps, followed by lemon meringue utan pie. We ate all that with a some mugs of hot, steaming capuchin.

The following morning started with fog. We walked along the mangabey, but the air was quite muriqui. Fortunately, it cleared by afternoon, so we could  fly home in a hot air baboon.