“Good afternoon, and welcome again to the Chelsea Flower Show. I am with celebrated horticulturist and herbalist, Topher Knight. Topher, your garden is an extraordinary patchwork, Can we go through the various themes? That pole there, for instance.”
“Thank you Johnny...”
“Bob.”
“Sorry?”
“Bob. I'm not Johnny, I'm Bob Marsh.”
“OK. Anyway, the pole with the Climbing Gertrude represents the Asclepius, The area is to remind people that most medicines are derived from plant material, which is why it is important to preserve natural areas that we have not yet fully investigated.”
“Thyme heals all wounds?”
“No. There are many herbs and plants that have medical uses.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I have a painful hand condition similar to eczema, so I made an emulsion of thyme, olive oil and water. It has proven to be very effective. I used some this morning.”
“So you have thyme on your hands?”
“Er, yes. Anyway, thyme is a very useful herb. The other day, a piece of fence fell and caught me below my right arm, bruising some ribs. I made a poultice of thyme and mint, and that took away the bruising.”
“Good thing you had thyme on your side.”
“Look, Johnny.”
“Bob!”
“Sorry. Bob. Is this going to go on like this?”
“I don't know what you mean. Anyway, what herbs do you have in that part?”
“Sorrel.”
“I SAID WHAT HERBS DO YOU HAVE IN THAT PART?”
“Anyway, we have borage over there.”
“Good for breakfast?”
“Pardon?”
“Granted.”
“Look. This is getting silly.”
“Well, to be frank, this is a silly garden. I mean, what are those mange tous doing in a herb garden.”
“Er, its...”
“It's a pun, isn't it?”
“Might be.”
“Well, go on, say it.”
“It's peas in our thyme.”
“And those herbs made into blocks. What are they for?”
“My assistant Norman uses them for exercise.”
“So what do you call them?”
“Thyme weights for Norman.”
“Well, I guess our thyme is up. Thank you, Mr Knight.”
“Any thyme.”
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