Greetings, felicitations, and fluffy dice.

GREETINGS, FELICITATIONS AND FLUFFY DICE

Now, you probably don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jack Rowlands, although people tend to call me Mad Jack. I can’t think why.

Anyway, for my day job, I am an Alley Cat. What’s an Alley Cat, I hear you ask? In a very strange voice, I might add. Well, the Alley Cats are the Bomb Disposal team of National Security Command. So, if you’ve got something that you think is going to blow up, just give me a ring.

It’s a real man’s life in the Alley Cats. We do real man things, like weight training, marathon running, knitting, and highland dancing. And don’t believe everything you hear. One ballet lesson, ONE. Do they let you forget? Do they drumsticks! So, by way of relaxation, I entertain the team with a few of my hilarious stories. Well, I think they’re funny.

In among my own totally awesome original stories are ones based on tales I have heard. Some of them could be described as traditional. My grandfather would have heard them. Others are more modern. Now, I have tried to establish the copyright of these stories, but I have not been able to trace the authors. If you feel I have breached your copyright, first know that it was not deliberate, and accept my apology. Secondly, please let me know, and I will be happy to amend future issues. Now, is that or is that not fair?

Sunday 28 June 2015

Family Feud

James sat heavily in his armchair. “I am fed up with this family feud. How did it start in the first place?”
Ralph settled himself into storytelling mode. “It’s complicated. You know that your Uncle Walter was Operations Manager in the factory, but you might not know that your Aunt Debbie was a Production Line worker there.”
“I did know that. They met at a Christmas party.”
“That’s right. There was a spark from the first time they saw each other. They started going out together, but had to keep it a secret from the family.”
“Why was that?”
“Well, the family frowned on work romances, especially between a family member in a position of authority and a lowly line worker.”
“So, what happened then?”
“Your uncle Arthur found out. He saw Walter and Debbie at a restaurant and told your grandfather David. David brought Walter into his office and tried to tell him to stop. Walter refused, and your grandfather sacked him.”
“That’s why Walter didn’t work for the family business.”
“That’s right. He started his own company, but never competed with the family. He was always honourable. Anyway, after a couple of years, Walter and Debbie got married, but Arthur, Horace, and Elizabeth didn’t even show up at the wedding.”
“But when Debbie died, she and Walter had been married for almost sixty years.  You’re saying that this has lasted all that time?”
“Yes. Arthur and Elizabeth never spoke to Walter or Debbie until they died. Horace still won’t.”
“But this is stupid. How can we fix this? Are they going to their graves still fighting?”
“Horace’s health is declining. He was a heavy drinker for years until he became diabetic. He became teetotal, but that was too late to save his eyes. He finds it very difficult to get around now. On the other hand, Walter has always said that his door was open. He has never borne a grudge. All he wanted was for his family to recognise the marriage. Just to raise a glass as they should have done at the wedding breakfast.”
“If I spoke to Horace, do you think I could persuade him to sort this out if I got them together?”

“I don’t know, you can lead your Horace to Walter, but you can’t make him drink.”
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)