"Nah, nah, nah. It just needs charging."
"Look, dude, I know a dead mobile when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."
"Nah, nah, nah. It just needs charging. Amazin' mobile, the GSB Blue. Lovely shape, isn't it? Great apps."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Apps. I said apps. Great APPS."
"Sorry, I thought you were making a personal remark."
"Nah."
"Nah, nah. Look, I'll plug it in here, and you'll see. BEEP."
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That BEEP!"
"That's the mobile. It's charging."
"No it wasn't, it was you."
"It was the mobile, SeƱor, the mobile."
"All right, if it's charging, I'll turn it on. Pokey, pokey, pokey! Shaky, shaky, shaky! There. Look at the screen! Nothing!"
"BEEP! There, it beeped again."
"That was you. Look, I'll tap it on this counter. Tap, tap, tappy!"
"The screen came on."
"No it didn't."
"It did. Just for a moment, it came on."
"Bang, bang, bangy! Nothing! That's what I call a dead mobile."
"Nah, it was working."
"Now look, Homey, I've had enough. This mobile is definitely dead. When I bought this yesterday, you said that it's total lack of activity was because it had a flat battery after being used for a long conversation."
"Well, it was probably needing an upgrade."
"Needing an upgrade? Needing an upgrade? Look, why did it fall to pieces when I got it home?"
"Ease of dismantling and assembly. Lovely apps, Mein Herr."
"You did say apps?"
"Apps, yes apps."
"Very well. It may have lovely apps, but how could I tell? The only reason there was a picture on the screen was that someone had painted it on!"
"Well, of course it was painted on. You have to protect the screen, you know."
"Protect the screen? What for? It's a dead mobile."
"It just needs a charge."
"It wouldn't work if you sent a million volts through it! It's dead!"
"Nah, it just needs charging."
""It don't need charging, it's dead! Defunct! It is broken, blitzed, defective, non-functional! It is brick-like! The only app it has is Paperweight! It is obsolete, unusable! It has joined the Vibraphone in Silicon Heaven! This is an EX-MOBILE!"
"Well, I'd better replace it, m'sieur. Er, we're right out of mobile phones."
"Excuse me, is this not a mobile phone shop?"
"Why, yes sir."
"Then how, pray tell, can you be out of mobile phones?"
"I've got a bluetooth earpiece."
"Can I make calls with it?"
"Well, not as such.."
"Then it's hardly a replacement, is it?"
"No, I guess not."
"Well?"
"Nice ass."
"Why, thank you, my good man."
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