“Thank you, Chancellor.”
“I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this paper you’ve written.”
“Yes?”
“‘An Analytical Method for Diagnosis of Mental and Personality Disorders’.”
“Yes.”
“What is your purpose in writing it?”
“I thought it would clarify psychological and psychiatric diagnoses.”
“Indeed. I have a few questions to ask. Do you mind?”
“Not at all, Chancellor. Go right ahead.”
“Ludic Voyeurism Disorder - How do you define it?”
“It’s the unhealthy preoccupation of observing organised recreational physical activity.”
“Or watching sport.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you call this a disorder?”
“Because it serves no purpose.”
“Many people enjoy watching sport.”
“That just goes to show how widespread the disorder is.”
“Phantastic Voyeurism Disorder?”
“Unhealthy preoccupation of observing people behaving in imaginary ways.”
“Such as?”
“Watching fictional shows on TV, theatre and cinema.”
“Don’t most people do this?”
“Yes, Chancellor. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”
“Dr Baxter. Can I ask a personal question?”
“By all means.”
“Do you watch TV?”
“No. I’ve never had one.”
“What about sport, do you play sport?”
“No. I don’t see the point of it.”
“I see. Now, this paper of yours lists 235 disorders.”
“Yes.”
"Including aversion to prawn curry?"
"Yes sir. Not liking prawn curry is just not normal."
“I see. How did you come up with these disorders?”
“I analysed a number of studies.”
“And who performed these studies?”
“I did.”
“I thought so. Now, if I read this right, you have disorders relating to driving cars, flying in aircraft, going on holiday. All these would seem to be quite normal.”
“Not according to my studies, Chancellor.”
“I can see at least twelve of these that apply to me. The same for other people I can think of. As a matter of fact, I think there is only one person they don’t apply to.”
“Chancellor?”
“You’ve defined yourself as normal, haven’t you?”
”Well, according to my studies...”
“And anyone who is not you, is not normal?”
“Well...”
“You have devoted a whole paper to proving you are the only normal person on the planet.”
“So it would seem, Chancellor.”
“Baxter, that is not normal.”
“I see. How did you come up with these disorders?”
“I analysed a number of studies.”
“And who performed these studies?”
“I did.”
“I thought so. Now, if I read this right, you have disorders relating to driving cars, flying in aircraft, going on holiday. All these would seem to be quite normal.”
“Not according to my studies, Chancellor.”
“I can see at least twelve of these that apply to me. The same for other people I can think of. As a matter of fact, I think there is only one person they don’t apply to.”
“Chancellor?”
“You’ve defined yourself as normal, haven’t you?”
”Well, according to my studies...”
“And anyone who is not you, is not normal?”
“Well...”
“You have devoted a whole paper to proving you are the only normal person on the planet.”
“So it would seem, Chancellor.”
“Baxter, that is not normal.”
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